Porno Charades

Every now and again, there comes a game that defines an epoch. A game that is so revolutionary that it shifts the paradigm and rewrites the rule book. A Carcassonne; a Dominion; a Wingspan.

Porno Charades is not that game. This is however a smutty little number that will reveal your inner Sid James.

Oo-er missus

Please note: this review will contain references to subjects of a mature/immature nature. If you carry on with this review, I can guarantee that, if you want a double-entendre, I will give you one.

You have been warned…

2 Girls, 1 Syllable

In my long career as a moocher, I have done many interesting and boring things to earn abstract value tokens. One of these things was writing TV listings for newspapers. Well, I didn’t write the listings as such, I put the information in the boxes and made it all fit (remember the Mail on Sunday, two-page spread, April 3rd 1994? That was one of mine).

One of the more amusing elements of this job was filling in the listings for the Adult Channel (this was pre-internet, folks, when porn was a satellite and a paywall away). Usually, it would fit in the small box that was allocated to such a revered channel, so no details were required (although it would have been pretty easy ‘some people meet and have sex’).

But the titles! Truly inspired: Shaving Ryan’s Privates, Mary Popped-Out… my favourite was Sex Trek: The Next Penetration. Anyway, this was a golden age of smutty innuendo and saucy wordplay.

This would usually end up being played out in the pubs and clubs after work. Who could come up with the best title without tipping over into pure obscenity? Or, as the night progressed, just tipping into pure obscenity. Good times. Well, if you’ve ever done anything like this (come on, admit it – you have) I think you’ll like Porno Charades.

What Is Mr Chips Doing?

Essentially, Porno Charades is exactly the same as the parlour game Charades. A group of you form yourself into teams and each player takes it in turn to demonstrate to the rest of the team the title of a book, film, game, person etc. using actions alone.

You can indicate what the medium is, how many words it has, how many syllables it has, what the word sounds like… look, I should think you have played Charades. I mean, it’s an assumption on my part, but if you really don’t know, knowledge is just a google away.

What’s different here is that Porno Charades is played with a large deck of cards, each of which has three entries (oo-er) that are all titles of adult-orientated media entertainment.

AKA Porn

The entries are in three colours (Three Colours Bed – film) and the opposing team must say which colour should be enacted from the card. Embarrassment and amusement in equal measures then ensue. A sand timer is included to time the fiasco, when the sands run out, the opposing team can give it a shot. Whoever guesses the title, gets the card. The first team to 10 cards wins.

And that’s it. Good, clean fun, kinda…

Check Out The Package

Okay, this is not going to win any Golden Geek awards and it’s a bit too tame for the AVNs but this is a game that knows itself and knows its market. The packaging is designed like a VHS tape and slipcase (though its size makes it more Betamax-like) in tribute to the way that most of us discovered… ahem… art-house cinema and the cards and timer are decent quality (though the timer is not, regrettably, shaped like something questionable).

The entries on the cards can be a bit laboured but are often quite witty and do draw from a wide range of media (I was particularly amused by ‘Call of Booty’ and ‘Comfortably Hung’) but feel they missed a trick with board games. I mean, imagine acting out GloomHardOn, Cocks of Quimlingberg or… Ticket to Ride.

But who would do such a thing anyway? Drunk people, that’s who. This would be a great game for hen and/or stag dos and you have to bear in mind that THIS is the audience. Some people can get away with playing Cards Against Humanity with their nan, but the image of Uncle Alan in tears of dismay trying to enact Desperately Soaking Susan is one you will take to your grave.

People: know your audience.

If you do have a group of incredibly puerile and possibly sozzled friends, this will be a lot of fun. Sure, you may get thrown out of your local games café for playing it, but this is not that kind of game. Not for all, certainly, but if you have any friends with a risqué sense of humour, I suggest you give them one.