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Why am I telling you this?
Language evolves. I still regularly use phrases of the old tongue such as LoL, Dude, and RGB cable, which all together makes me sound like I remember one of the wars. That said, allow me to introduce you to 11 newly devised phrases now firmly rooted in my vocabulary to allow you to update yours and sound like one of those generations the newspapers blame everything on.
Hippocrocapig
That one enemy that is always a pain to deal with Usually a minion or a minor encounter, this is the card that as soon as it’s revealed from the monster/encounter/dungeon/whatever deck they instantly start locking down your abilities, reducing your hand limit, or regenerating any damage you do to them. Generally these guys are more of a faff or a slog than an outright threat but coupled with everything else going on they are precisely the last thing you want to have to deal with right now. SO rude.
Example: And lastly I will draw our next opponent from the minion deck and oh …. Fantastic it's the Hippocrocopig. That means none of us can cast spells, use potions, or communicate with each other in European languages until we can kill it.
Clogs on the dance floor
There is a particular sound which goes unnoticed by many but is greatly sought by the gamer connoisseur. It is the sound of high quality components clacking together. There are many variations and sources on this specifics of the sound but the most universal example I can offer is when a one poker chip collides with another for a clack clack clack sound.
Example: So I just ordered this off of kickstarter. We remortgaged so we could pledge at the all in level as it seemed like a great investment opportunity. It comes with diamonte dice, Fabergé egg timer, and all the tokens are engraved titanium chips. Listed to them *clack clack clack* cor like clogs on a dance floor, that.
The Meeple People
Board gamers are a proud lot. Many of us like to adorn ourselves with symbols of the cardboard cult so we can identify each other when out and about in the meatspace. The most frequent identifiers are enamel pins, t-shirts, meeple shaped bags and purses, and forehead scarification. Meeple People refers to these persons or creatures that have adorned themselves so.
Example: Oh look, that person is wearing a solid amulet shaped like a board game meeple. They must be Meeple People. I heard they communicate by flashing each other Carcassone tiles, and only eat cards with pictures of food on them. Get in the car honey, they’ve seen us and are now hovering towards us. Oh christ, no.
Frustipation
Portmanteau of frustration and anticipation. This is the state of being when you can see your game winning move, or just a fancy play that will make everybody say “Teach me to be you” except there are 4 more player turns before your next one. Until then, all you can do is hold in your excitement and telepathically will the other players not to interfere with your plans by moving that piece, picking up the card you need, killing that enemy before you can, etc. Symptoms of frustipation are: Shaking, sweating, eyeballs visibly extending out of their sockets, biting through one's own lip, or gripping your hand of cards or dice so hard you trap a nerve in your shoulder.
Example: Thomas, you are sweating onto the table and you have become ghoulishly pale. You also make a banshee-like wail when my hand passed by the last remaining blue token. Is this frustipation or are we bearing witness to your final earthly moments?
Keanu
Opposite of hippocrocapig. The card, token, or event that when it occurs does not win you the game or save the day but everyone loves to see it when it shows up. This may be because it gives you a modest buff, has some cool or hilariously daft artwork, or just an amusing effect which may not even be that helpful.
Example: so next draw then and HEY! It’s Keanu! Awesome, ok so that means we instantly exorcise all minor demons in play, pass our history test, and get to choose between the red or the blue pill. We are not out of the woods yet but but we might actually be able to slay Bram Stoker’s Dracula now.
Summon/flirting with the sleep demons
There is a curious phenomena which affects a limited portion of the community. You will either identify with this or you will think me mad. So, did you know that some people yawn uncontrollably when they read a board game rulebook? If you are in the latter camp then I swear to you this is a thing. I thought I was alone until I found a support group and it turns out we are everywhere. It tends to be the heavier type games that induce this effect which we at the support group have begun to term summoning or flirting with the sleep demons.
Example: Right, this is my latest euro. The theme is you are a front line worker for the DVLA. you need to manage the queue at your counter, check documentation, perform basic eye tests, and be shouted at as little as possible. First one to get promoted to Assistant Deputy Supervising Officer wins. It’s a dry one lads so bear with me as I flirt with the sleep demons and teach some rules. Here we go. Setup - create separate piles of the -yawns- 3 token types: -yawns- Apathy Counters, Disdain Markers, and -yawns- As Per My Previous Email Chips. -yawns-
Cthugli-boogley
Smash Up hit it on the head with their “Obligatory Cthulhu expansion” in demonstrating just how pervasive, and in hindsight enduring, tentacles and jowley fish men would become as a gaming theme. Eventually, some designers looking to provide their own reimagining of Lovecraft’s moods and themes developed their own takes on cosmic horror with only whispers and slime trails of Lovecraft’s work still visible. These games that give us a fresh, yet decidedly still fishy, experience which are evocative of Lovecraft's work without sticking big daddy tentacle beard all over the box cover are considered Cthugli-Boogley.
Example: So this is a sci-fi themed dungeon crawler where you explore a derelict space ship and try not to lose your mind. It’s a big Cthugli-boogley but with some Alien, Evil Dead, and Spongebob influences in the mix too.
Set thine own pantaloons ablaze
An action, deliberate or otherwise, that has a catastrophic and direct impact on the one responsible for the action. Usually undertaken by accident but sometimes employed as a legitimate strategy by people who roleplay as chaotic neutral, or sometimes by those who knowingly or unknowingly have no clue what they are doing.
Example: So, I have a brilliant idea. I am going to spend 3 fire tokens to overcharge the magma bomb ability on my fire element. Then, and trust me on this, I am going to target my priest in the next room. That’s 30 fire damage to my priest and 15 fire damage to all those spiders around her. That should kill everyone BUT I will also play my immune to fire damage potion on the priest to negate all damage. So I clear all enemies in the room and…. Wait. The potion card say it can only be played on thirsty characters and my priest is fully hydrated. Gentlemen, it appears I have set my pantaloons ablaze.
2016
Do you ever debrief as a group after a long game? Sometimes we like to identify the moment everything went wrong and after which we were just playing through the motions towards our own defeat. This is referred to as the 2016 moment - aka when everything suddenly started going very wrong.
Example: I thought we were doing really well until our 2016 moment when we drew the “you are pregnant” card and spawned both motherinlaws in the same turn. After that I think it was just too late to get on the Mortgage ladder, and getting stuck in IKEA trying to furnish the flat for 3 turns really didn’t help.
Launched a bagel/flinging bagels.
When your attack does literally nothing and is considered to have been a failure. Otherwise known as setting loose the capybaras, or sending round Bob Ross to have a stern word.
Example: So I exhaust my spear of fate, spend 3 destiny counters to boost my attack stat, and use my once per game divine shanking ability to really lay the hurt on this final boss and…. I roll 8 ones so nothing penetrates his armour. He just eats bagels then I guess. Sigh,
Moisten the frog
A positive or otherwise helpful action that must be manually undertaken at regular intervals. Think those cards that stay in play but need to be manually tapped, paid for, etc to enact their benefit each turn. If you forget then you don’t lose them but you don’t get the benefit either so they are a challenge in the simple act of remembering they exist.
Example: Okay so first thing first I will moisten the frog and tap my artefact card to gain one mana for free. Please all take a moment to congratulate me for remembering to use that card for three consecutive turns without forgetting because that is a literal first for me.
It is done
So there you have it peeps. 11 fantastic gaming phrases that I am pretty sure I have entirely made up with a little help from my gaming groups. And now they are like seeds scattered into the winds of geekdom to flower inside your weird little minds. Do with them as you will and I will let you know if we come up with any more.